


Cat and Owl's Shapeshifting Spray

by Brilan_Mosyn



Series: Adventures of the Fortress & the Land and Sky [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto has a self preservation instinct, Crack, Gen, How Do I Tag, Kuroo and Oikawa do not, Ok I really can't tag lol, Spaceship!Au, Tanaka - Freeform, daisuga only mentioned, inuoka, lev, noya - Freeform, other characters mentioned:, yaku - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brilan_Mosyn/pseuds/Brilan_Mosyn
Summary: I don't do summaries, but here goes. Kuroo comes up with a shapeshifting spray. Hijinks ensue.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Adventures of the Fortress & the Land and Sky [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806472
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Spray

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 is the first fic I'd written in 5 years, almost to the day. I first posted it on Tumblr so this is an updated/edited version. Thanks to my little sister for her help. This is also a part of a larger AU I'm building.

The fluorescent lights of Kuroo’s lab flicker happily, reflecting off a recently waxed floor (courtesy of Lev who had skipped practice once again).   
“So let me get this right,” Akaashi sighs, “you came up with a new compound and you both want to use it to prank the crew?”  
He, Kuroo, and Bokuto sit around a bunsen burner, roasting generic brand rat wieners like it was some sort of camp fire.  
Kuroo grins. “Yes.”  
“Why should I help?”  
“We’re going to do it anyway, but we could use damage control.”  
“Fine. What’s the plan?”

Two hours later, Bokuto secures the last piece of their apparatus, pinning it just inside the “Science free for all” section. After the first couple failed experiments that shut down the entire floor for a week at a time, Captain Daichi ordered a permanent containment field and gave the science team free reign. (So far the edict has produced 6 new weapons, a couple medicines, and several dozen pranks.)  
Bokuto drops back down to the floor, ducking the spray from their apparatus and rejoins the other two. “It’s secured.”  
Kuroo grins. “Let’s go.”  
Bokuto falls back past Akaashi, who simply returns to the lab.  
Beep. Kuroo presses the comm button, “Chibi-chan to the science section. Chibi-chan to the Science section.”  
A few minutes later, Hinata bounces through the doorway at full speed. “Boku-”  
Poof! Hinata vanishes leaving a tangerine colored canary in his wake.  
Kuroo nearly falls to the floor laughing. “Canary. Chibi-chan turned into a canary!”  
Akaashi peeks out of the room. “ Bokuto-san, are you going to catch him and bring him here?”  
With a shake of his head, he snaps Hinata up and pulls him into the lab. “Hold on a second.”  
Akaashi dowses the bird with the antidote to the shape changing spray. The canary poofs and Hinata falls flat on the floor.  
“That was so awesome.” The young man bounces to his feet. “Let’s do that again.”  
“Let’s not.”  
“Why not?”  
“Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san aren’t quite done yet.”

Outside, Bokuto and Kuroo put their heads together.   
“Who’s next?” Bokuto asks.  
“Lev.”  
“Ok.”

An hour later, Lev, plus Noya, Tanaka, Inuoka, and Yaku have all passed through Kuroo’s spray and been caught by Akaashi.   
Kuroo presses the comm again. “Can Suga-san come to the Science Department please.”  
Bokuto frowns. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, bro. Sawamura isn’t very forgiving when people mess with Suga.”  
“It’ll be fine. Sugawara is last on the list. If anything we can claim it’s for a new weapon.”  
“If you say so.”  
Bokuto clutches the handle of his net and waits for the ax to fall.

When the ax falls the ax falls. The time between the comm and Suga’s arrival is shorter than even that for Hinata. Suga peels himself out of the shadow. Not two feet behind him, Daichi smiles in his vaguely threatening way.”  
“Sawamura stay ba-”  
Kuroo’s warning is two seconds too late. Daichi crosses through the spray, poofing into a massive dog.  
Bokuto drops his net. “Shit. Bro. Run!”  
The cat and the crow flee down the hallway with a Daichi on their heels.  
Akaashi opens the door and the victims of the prank file out.  
“Daichi-san won’t kill them, will he?”  
Hinata looks up at Akaashi.  
“I’m not sure. I think they’ve gone and done it this time.”

In the end, Daichi caught the pair and pulled them through their own spray, leaving orders that they be left that way for two weeks. That was the first and last time Kuroo and Bokuto involved 1st Officer Sugawara in their antics.


	2. Sharing the Recipe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa gets a hold of Kuroo's recipe. RIP Oikawa

“Did you really try and prank Sugawara-kun, Tetsu-chan?” Oikawa Tooru asks, pouring Kuroo another glass of beer.  
“It was all in good fun.”  
Kuroo scratches at the ears that just won’t go away. “Sawamura didn’t have to leave us like that for two whole weeks.”  
“Haha! You should know better than to get Sawamura-kun’s man involved. Chibi-chan, Yuu-chan, they’re one thing.”  
“Not my brightest idea.”  
“Say, could I get the formula for that spray? I can think of a person I could use it on.”  
“Iwaizumi?”  
“Who else?”  
“It’s your life.”  
Despite his hesitant tone, Kuroo jots down the formula on a napkin and passes it over. “Here. I want updates.”  
Oikawa stands and stretches. “Thank you, Tetsu-chan. I’ll make good use of this.”  
Halfway to the door, Oikawa calls over his shoulder, “You should keep the ears, Tetsu-chan.”

Two days later, the CSS Fortress undocks from the space port.  
Oikawa borrows the science lab under the pretence of checking research. Instead, he sets to work replicating Kuroo’s formula. Three failures--including one mild explosion that singes the pretty boy's eyebrows--later Oikawa holds a decent sized spray bottle of “Cat and Owl’s Shapeshifting Spray.”  
Tooru: The spray is made, Tetsu-chan.  
Tetsu-chan: Heh heh. Now what? Bokuto wants to take bets on outcome.  
Tooru: See how many times I can spray Iwa-chan. For the sake of “research”. Your prank didn’t test multiple sprays, did it?  
Tetsu-chan: Good point. As I said, It’s your life.

Over on the CSS Land and Sky, Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukki and Hinata sit in Kuroo and Tsukki’s room.  
“What’s the Grand King’s plan,” Hinata asks, nearly bouncing off the bed in excitement.  
“He wants to spray Iwaizumi as many times as he can.”  
“That’s not going to work.”  
Kuroo grins. “Then what’s your bet.”  
“One weeks allowance, he only gets Iwaizumi-san twice.”  
Bokuto tilts his head, sending a few molting feathers flying.  
“Stop making a mess, Bokuto-san.” Tsukki asks, marking down Hinata’s bet. “Your bet, Kuroo-san?”  
“He gets Iwaizumi once and someone else twice. One week’s allowance of course.”  
“No Bro. Oikawa is seriously crafty. I think he’ll get Iwa a few times.”  
“That’s three.”  
“What about you, Tsukkishima? What do you think will happen?”  
The blonde frowns at Hinata’s question, absentmindedly plunking a feather out of his hair. “I bet their captain catches them, no matter how many times he gets Iwaizumi-san.”  
Once the bets are placed, Tsukki gather’s the money for the bets and the group begins their wait.

Oikawa’s first chance comes that night while he tosses and turns. Iwaizumi lays still next to him, breathing softly in his sleep. Tooru grins.  
He opens his nightstand draw and brings out two spray bottles. One is the Cat and Owl’s Shapeshifting Spray, the other the antidote.  
Here goes, he thinks.  
He sprays Iwaizumi once. Tooru’s bloodcurdling scream is muffled by the heavy furry body of Bear Iwaizumi.  
“Damn, Iwa-chan. Too heavy.”  
Tooru wiggles himself around so that he can use the other bottle without breaking his arm.  
The two settle back in, Iwaizumi only muttering in complaint before falling back asleep.  
Note to self: use in large spaces only.

The next morning, Oikawa peers in the mirror and screams again. “My face. My pretty face.”  
“What’s the problem this time, Trashykawa?”  
Iwaizumi slides over. “You’re going to kill your fangirls with that face.”  
“Awww. So mean.”  
“Did you dream of bears last night?”  
Tooru’s heart leaps into his chest, but he merely smiles at his lover. “Not one.”  
No. A lot of them. But it’s not like he’s going to tell Iwaizumi this.  
“Odd.” 

The day passes as swift as any preceded by scientific pranks and the resulting nightmares.  
Tetsu-chan: You messaged last night. How did it go?  
Tooru: I nearly died, Tetsu-chan! Smushed forever.  
Tetsu-chan: ?  
Tooru: Iwa-chan turned into a bear. On me! I had so many nightmares. I scared all the girls this morning.  
Tetsu-chan: Bokuto’s going to get a kick out of this.  
Tooru: I can’t get any sympathy.

Oikawa spends the next few days formulating a detailed plan of attack. If Iwa-chan is going to turn into a bear then the bedroom is NOT the place to conduct these “experiments”.  
In accordance with his plan, Oikawa finds himself crouching around a corner, watching one of the main hallways. Without fail, Iwaizumi passes this junction between lunch and 7 pm. All he has to do is wait.  
Around 5pm, Iwaizumi approaches and Oikawa jumps out, aiming the Shapeshifting spray at the other man. A second later the spray and it’s antidote crash to the floor, the bottles shattering on impact. A vile green mushroom cloud envelopes Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Captain Ushijima who had accompanied Iwaizumi.  
When the noxious vapor fades, Tendou, who had apparently missed the explosion by several feet, doubles over laughing. “Ha. Ha. You three should see yourselves.”  
Oikawa’s heart quails. In the aftermath, Ushijima is left with eagle wings, no arms, and a massive yellow beak.  
Iwaizumi is covered in fur, and has bear ears peeking above his typical spiked hair. In any other situation, Tooru would find this adorable. Right now, however, all thoughts of cuteness are burned away by Iwaizumi’s murderous gaze. “Run.”  
Oikawa turns on his heel and sprints down the hallway. He digs out his phone, dialing Kuroo’s number.  
“Oikawa, what?” Kurro asks as soon as he picks up.  
“Mayday! Mayday! Save me!”

Tsukki, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Hinata gather in Kuroo’s office.  
Hinata is the first to raise his hand. “Kuroo-san? Is something wrong?”  
“It seems our bet is null and void.”  
Kuroo passes around a picture of Oikawa. Only in this image, Tooru is glaring at the camera with round rabbit eyes while tugging on long bunny ears.  
The entire room bursts out laughing. Even Tsukki joins in.  
“Bro, what happened?”  
“It seems that mixing the spray and antidote results in an explosion that leaves the affected people with mixed human and animal features. Ushijima, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa got caught in one of these blasts. Oikawa gets to be half rabbit until the effects wear off.”  
The group glances at Kuroo’s cat ears and Bokuto’s feathers before busting out into gales of laughter.  
“Ya know,” Kuroo gasps, “We should tell Sawamura, the Cat and Owl Shapeshifting Spray might be a weapon of mass destruction.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Kudos and comments are welcome. Anyone who wants to chatter can find me as brilan-mosyn on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, Kudos, and critiques are always welcome.
> 
> Of course, I'm available for general chatter on tumblr as Brilan-Mosyn


End file.
